That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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