so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
