the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
