so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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