Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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