I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
