i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
