You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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