I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
