He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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