I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
