why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
