I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
