Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
