Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
