He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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