How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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