note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
