Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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