After last night, I could never be a politician.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
