don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
