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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

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• (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i just sold back the books i vomitted on

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.

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• (831): View more from California

  Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.

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