I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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