addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
