i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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