I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My hand turned me down
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
