You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
