you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
