I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
