Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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