if i can run in heels then i can drive
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
