**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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