Your dad touched me again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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