Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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