she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
