i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize