hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
