My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
