you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Text me some of your sweat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
