I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
