Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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