I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
