I'm lost and stupid without you.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
