Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
