Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize