I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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