I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
