hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
