why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
