You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
