Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize