I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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