He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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