I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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