Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
