How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
