dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
