I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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