You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two words: blizzard sex
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
