Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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