...so i touched it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We are all done wearing pants today
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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