If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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