Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
