Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
