There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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