we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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