she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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