just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
