when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
