It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
