I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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